Daughters of Diminished Capacity Weekend


I’m recently back from a getaway Cape weekend with the Daughters of Diminished Capacity, long-time friends who (hopefully) will grow old together. Think ‘elder commune’. We have known each other for much of our lives – as far back as 3rd grade, as recently as yesterday and yesterday.

This was not our first weekend away together, not our first time standing arm in arm on a sandy beach – feeling blessed, feeling grateful. And like the timeless tides that draw us, there is an ebb and flow to our relationship – a knowing we will be there.

In the past, a Daughter’s weekend might include bonfires on the beach, sun burns and skinny dipping, scarf dancing and piggy backs up the dunes because … well, because. We’ve fit 6 in a bubbly hot tub meant for 2 and watched Mars lay a red path upon the ocean, seemingly leading us beyond the stars.

This past weekend was a bit different. We came together to mark the final cancer treatment for one, the upcoming surgery for another, the healing of significant others, as well as the passing of one of our own.  We marked the ending of a long-term marriage and commiserated about the intricacies of eldercare, then reveled in the love and renewal of grandchildren. As one said, “I’m so glad I came this weekend. I feel part of something larger again.”

We cooked for each other, made jigsaw puzzles, cooked some more, took naps, colored the pages in a book called “Fuck you, you fuckety fuck fuck” (my favorite pages being AssHat and TwinkleTits), whispered well into the night hours, researched properties for our future commune, then went on a road trip to find dark chocolate, consignment shops and silver bangles. And yes, drank lots of wine.

And on our last night, we drove to the beach to launch wish lanterns into the setting sun – Good-bye cancer, Good-bye tumor, Good-bye pain and tears and bullshit…

We may not be quite the wrinkle-free crazies we used to be, but in each other’s hearts, those girls will always exist. How many Daughters does it take to light a wish lantern? All of them! As it should be…xo